[Concept]: blather on about some sort of predictions for the year 2001.

[Reason]: boredom.

[Execution]: as follows...

• Furthering the distillation of the Second Summer of Love?s consumption of Ecstasy, American hip-hop producers will champion the drug like a new toy whilst opening up more doors for Time magazine to warn parents how the substance quite possibly leads to black trenchcoats, Pokemon, and Doom.

 

• In a furious revolt, the term "singer-songwriter" shall be painted on the chest of an effigy and set ablaze with lighters swaying along to ostensibly sensitive music.

 

• Belle & Sebastian will release a song called, "Boy in Trafalgar Snow," "Switch the Machine to Tumble Dry," "Weeping More Than You," or "Sarah Jane Smith, The Prime Minister Will Sort Out All Your Problems as Long as You Take British Rail."

 

• JJ72 will re-re-release "October Swimmer."

 

• There will be a previously-underground American band that will get new showers of international acclaim for sounding like Deserter?s Songs.

 

• Oasis will record a new track with the word "Away" in its title.

 

• The new highly-anticipated Prodigy material will sound like Limp Bizkit with a breakbeat.

 

• Some will claim they can?t get into Sigur Rós unless the band starts singing in English.

 

• The 80?s revival will get out of hand.

 

• The Madchester revival will get out of hand.

 

• The New Wave of New Wave revival will get out of hand.

 

• Puritanical retroists will take much pride in denouncing anything with a keyboard as "that techno shit."

 

• Liam Gallagher will do something to upset somebody.

 

• Liam Gallagher will do something to make somebody call him a rock ?n? roll hero.

 

• British indie bands will continue to feast on the rotting flesh of Jeff Buckley while American indie bands will still try to remake Pet Sounds with the rapidity of a sexaholic in a Joe Eszterhas film.

 

• Radiohead will protest their assumed image of being humorless, pantomime art students and then make public comments like, "It?s the sound of what it feels like to be in the fire."

 

• There will be bickering over the merits of radio.

 

• To ally themselves with popular perception, Suede will downplay Head Music.

 

• Official band pages will still believe that Flash -- with its "Wait, do I click on the bouncing clown?s head or the bubbling castle moat to read the discography?" effects -- is the way to go.

 

• Indie fans will gasp in terror as one of their own confesses to an admiration of mainstream pop music.

 

• Later, these same indie fans will attack their peers for being too myopic in their manufactured Magnet-reading predilections.

 

• Somebody will learn to write HTML tables properly.

 

• The production of small John Lennon crucifixes shall begin.

 

• People will once again admit to liking Elastica.

 

• Music journalists shall claim rock music is dead.

 

• Music journalists shall claim pop music is dead.

 

• Music journalists shall claim dance music is dead.

 

• Music journalists shall claim rap music is dead.

 

• Music journalists shall claim music journalism is dead.

 

• The Charlatans will realize there?s more to songwriting than impersonating Bob Dylan.

 

• In a new song, Bjork will use horns.

 

• Magazines will still feel the need to give you explanations for their ratings. The assumption being that there must be a nebulous Gordion?s Knot mystery lurking inside the difference between four stars and three.

 

• In a delusional state set upon by ingesting the bowels of spotted owls, Dan the Automator will construct 341 new side-projects, one of which shall be named Rocks-E Muzak One Point Nine Slash Three.

 

• Americans will continue to misuse the term "Britpop."

[Conclusion] : this seemed like a better idea when I started.