This is not a joke. We repeat, this is not a joke. Creation Records is confirming today that the new bass player in OASIS is ANDY BELL, former lead guitarist of RIDE and HURRICANE #1. I've now been sitting here for five minutes trying to think of something to say about this. I can't.

Oasis will release their new album, "Standing on the Shoulder of Giants" on February 28, 2000. The full tracklisting is as follows:

Fuckin' in the Bushes
Go Let it Out!
Who Feels Love?
Put Your Money Where Yer Mouth Is
Little James (written by Liam Gallagher)
Gas Panic!
Where Did it all Go Wrong?
Sunday Morning Call
I Can See a Liar
Roll It Over

Oasis will also be doing a radio-station tour in December. Check the Tour page for dates.

OASIS will be playing a small US tour for the radio festivals in December. The first date has been announced for the Y100 Christmas festival in Philadelphia on December 3rd. Expect more dates to be added in major cities.

Gem (ex-Heavy Stereo) will be replacing Bonehead on guitar.

Toniiiiiite, I'm a rock and roll dad! Radio One is reporting this morning that LIAM GALLAGHER is now a papa. Wife Patsy Kensit wasn't due until mid-October, but the BBC is reporting that she underwent an emergency Caesarian overnight and that mom, dad, and baby are reported to be well. Oh, and the wee tot's name? LENNON GALLAGHER. But you can call 'im Lenny.

Those lads from OASIS are back in the news all the time these days. It seems ousted drummer Tony McCarroll has sent Noel a letter asking for a tryout to be the band's new bass player. Just a quick pointer: It's usually best to ask for a new job from your former bosses BEFORE you sue them. Also, Liam and Noel have each recorded songs for the forthcoming JAM cover album, "Fire and Skill", which also features GENE, REEF and GARBAGE.

Pretty soon they'll just be called "The Gallagher Brothers," it seems, as now bassist Paul "Guigsy" McGuigan has left OASIS. The split, which comes only two weeks after rhythm guitarist Paul "Bonehead" Arthurs announced his departure, now leaves Liam, Noel, and drummer Alan White as the only remaining members. Principal recording for the new forthcoming Oasis record has already been completed in France with both McGuigan and Arthurs, and it's now left to the Gallaghers to finish mixing the record, scheduled for a Spring 2000 release.

Stop the friggin' presses... BONEHEAD has quit OASIS. In a statement released today on Oasisinet.com, rhythm guitarist Paul "Bonehead" Arthurs officially exited the band: "After a lot of consideration, I have decided to call it a day with Oasis.

Yep, it's been a quiet week in the world of music, folks. You know it's rough when the top story of the week is LIAM GALLAGHER staying sober. About every magazine and website on the planet has been documenting the strict no-booze policy set to the Oasis frontman by brother NOEL. Today, Dotmusic is reporting that Liam's seats for this weekend's Man City match are indeed in the tee-totaller section. Look in the sky for four horsemen, appearing at an apocalyse near you.

There's a bevy of studio activity afoot right now. Here's a look at some of the bands in the creative process as we speak:

MANSUN have begun work on their third album, the follow-up to "Six," which was just released in the U.S. this week. Initial reports indicate the band's heading for a more straight-forward approach with this one.

THE CHARLATANS have completed construction of their new personal studio, and are hard at work on their first album to be recorded since the untimely death of keyboardist Rob Collins. Expect an August release, we're told.

Bigmouth is reporting that OASIS have headed to the south of France to begin work on their next album, in an attempt to avoid the crowds of journalists and fans that hounded them during the recording of "Be Here Now". The next album is targeted for an early 2000 release, and the band will not be performing live this year.